Pssst…. Why haven’t you responded to that interesting job board ad yet?
Still sorting your underwear instead of making money?
Why aren’t you pitching all those great ideas of yours? You’ve got heaps of them!
Yeah, I thought so. You’ve got doubts, despair, cold feet…
Aren’t you tired of watching other freelance bloggers cash in on plum assignments as you struggle to shore up your spine just to send an email?
It’s okay. You don’t have to fess up. I know exactly where you’re coming from because I’ve been there.
This dark and frustrating place is called social anxiety, and it’s one rough neighborhood for freelance bloggers. In fact, it almost did me in.
The good news is that once you recognize where you are, you can pack your bags and move on out.
Are you ready? Let’s talk…
Face Your Enemy
We freelance bloggers are particularly prone to social anxiety, but often mistake it for mere shyness.
But with social anxiety disorder, you’re looking at debilitating beliefs and thought patterns that block your productivity, your financial health, and your happiness.
So learn to recognize when the enemy is thumbing her nose at you:
- You avoid responding to job ads because you’re certain you’re not ready or as good as other bloggers out there.
- You’re angry all the time because you’re falling short of your writing goals, you’re not getting work in the door, and you’re sick to death of those ramen noodles with the mystery broth.
- You’re afraid to set up interviews, send emails, submit guest post pitches, and do pretty much anything that might attract attention to you.
- You feel unworthy and fear being criticized publicly by all the trolls out there.
- You have a lot of great excuses to justify why your spice rack deserves more of your attention than your writing.
Unless you’re an outright sociopath, you’re going to have these unproductive feelings at one point or another. It’s human and it’s normal. But if you’re at the stage where your anxiety is crippling you both physically and emotionally, you’re skating on the precipice of disorder.
Wait! Don’t let the word “disorder” scare you.
You can break free and get your freelance blogging career on track, just by changing the way you think about a situation.
Reframe your thinking
Yes, you read that correctly. You have to start by changing your thinking.
First, let’s look at your brain on fear as you ponder pitching a blog post idea:
I don’t think I’m ready to contact this editor. What if she thinks this idea is stupid? The last time I sent something out, I never heard back. What if I do get the assignment and fall on my face? Oh no! What if this gets published and people start posting nasty comments? What if I don’t look good compared to other bloggers?
—Your brain :-/
As with all social anxiety, your fear erupts to “protect” you from rejection and shame. But it’s also keeping you from pursuing experiences and opportunities you want and need to grow and experience life to its fullest. This fear is also keeping more lint, and less money, in your pockets.
Larry Cohen, LICSW, has found that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is effective for disrupting the negative thought patterns that are the result of social anxiety.
He explains, “It takes a little bit of courage to face our fears, but a lot of work and perseverance.” But the payoff is well worth the effort.
At its core, CBT is about retraining the mind to react differently to social anxiety triggers. Triggers, in the world of blogging, include emailing prospects and clients, networking on online forums, marketing, starting projects, finishing projects, submitting projects…
With CBT, you learn to recognize what’s going on in your head. This helps you step outside your automatic thoughts so that you can test them against real-life experiences.
In my case, just learning about social anxiety and its signs was enough to help me break free and do the things that typically cause me angst and sweaty palms.
Am I free of the reservations and physical symptoms? No, not completely. But by recognizing the symptoms for what they are, I can move ahead in spite of them. And, I get the satisfaction and positive feedback that comes with accomplishment, so the next time, my resistance and avoidance are less crippling.
Seek shelter… but don’t take cover
Freelance bloggers are a bashful bunch. It’s so easy to hide online, avoiding pesky things like phone calls and face-to-face interactions.
But if you’re prone to social anxiety, this hiding leads to dark, destructive thoughts known as “rumination.”
Don’t go there!
Do go and hang out with people both online and off.
If you’re rolling your eyes at this point, wondering what this has to do with your writing, I say, everything!
Real-world interactions put your fabricated fears in perspective. I did this by joining the public speaking club, Toastmasters International.
You see, I had reached a point in my life where I’d had enough of being in the background. And of being quiet when I should have been speaking up and going after the things that mattered.
Once I got out there, I discovered legions of folks who struggle with fear as much, if not more, than I do. Breakthrough!
In the process, I also found a community where I’m welcomed and supported every step of the way. It’s been a great way to gain confidence in myself and in my skills and ideas.
What are you waiting for?
Try attending a workshop or class, go into theater, public speaking, basket weaving, Tai Chi, or whatever it takes to help you develop your skills, get fresh perspectives, and some reassurance that you have a place in the world.
You may even find that in addition to rewiring your own thinking, you can make a positive difference for others. After all, isn’t that why you chose blogging versus drug trafficking? Just saying…
Wield your writer’s wiles
Do you often sit down to write, only to find Madame Phobia staring at you through your monitor?
If so, just remind her that you’re a writer and that you know how to sniff out stories that people want to read. You know how to structure a compelling tale that has a beginning, middle, and an end. This means that you have to tools to grab and hold an audience’s attention.
And I’m not just talking about blog posts, I’m talking about all kinds of presentations. This is where public speaking exercises or workshops can help boost your confidence.
The first time I was to stand in front of strangers and deliver my first Toastmasters speech, I was exhausted from all the preparation and anticipation.
My shirt was drenched. My heart was racing. My mind was busy crafting scenarios of failure and shame. I was doomed! How could I go through with this speech? What the hell was I thinking signing up for this nonsense?
Throughout that day, I kept looking for excuses to back out. But I had already put so much time into my speech. Ironically, the fear of looking like a coward exceeded my fear of speaking.
Then the moment came and I stood up and let my preparation take over. The shakes were quickly replaced by satisfaction and delight as I saw my audience leaning forward in their seats, nodding, and laughing at all the right points.
This was my second breakthrough… getting a live audience’s immediate reaction to my ideas and writing.
Is it because I had suddenly transformed into the epic Tony Robbins? [Don’t be silly. Tony is much taller than I am.] No, it’s because I’m writer and I know how to craft a compelling narrative.
Take small steps to big victories
Now, you may not be ready for public speaking or cold calling clients right out of the gate. And that’s okay.
Cohen advises, “Take a series of small steps at a time. And do this consistently, not occasionally.” In fact, he warns that trying to get to the end in one big leap can lead to failure and disappointment.
Here’s some strategies to help you bust past your anxiety and find fulfillment in your blogging career:
Figure out your triggers
These are the things that lead you to devise all sorts of excuses and procrastinations. You need to know your triggers intimately so that you can slap them in the face when they surface.
Be mindful
Choose to focus on a situation with curiosity rather than with judgment. Instead of, “This is going to suck,” think, “Hmmm, I wonder which prospects are best suited for my pitch. It should be fun to find out!”
Look into CBT
If you’re not ready for individual counseling, there are oodles of great books out there. Cohen also recommends group workshops where you can act out scenarios and get feedback from your peers in a positive environment.
Experiment
Try things that interest you. Take a chance on something new. Send out a pitch you’ve been sitting on and see what happens. I promise you won’t get sucked into a temporal vortex.
Desensitize your anxiety responses through repetition
For example, don’t just respond to one job listing a week (or month). Set a timer each day and respond to at least two a day, every… single… damn… day. This is where taking small steps consistently pays off. After a while, this activity will be so “whatever” that you won’t even cringe anymore.
Get off your butt and on the road
Numerous studies have shown that running or walking briskly help focus your mind and calm your jitters. It’s also a good way to organize your thoughts and come up with ideas. I’ve found movement to be far more effective than meditation (which can actually aggravate us nervous Nellies).
Write down your worries
If you’re afraid of emailing a prospect, write it down. If you fear that your latest topic is too stupid to share publicly, write it down and explain why you feel this way. Do this consistently every time you get negative thoughts or find yourself procrastinating on a project. Capturing your fears on a page helps you eject the nasty critters from your mind… which has far better things to focus on.
Remember, you’re not alone and you’re not “broken.” Just take things one consistent step at a time, and you’ll soon be on your way to realizing the life and work you want.
Where are you getting hung up? I’d love to hear from you!
Emma says
Great article. I’m a bit of a newbie to blogging and had a few worries about putting myself and my work out there. But your article’s helped a lot to calm my nerves.
Aphro says
Emma, I’m glad the article helped. I know that when we’re starting out, it’s so easy to feel isolated and as if you’re the only one who has nerves or anxiety. It really helps to know that most everybody feels this way and that we’re all struggling with the same issues!
Barbara Fernandez (@TheRawRockChick) says
Love this article! As I read it I was thinking of how it all applies to those of us who write for our own blog and who can face a lot of the same ‘issues’ – the audience is still out there, even if you can’t see them because they’re ‘virtual’!
Aphro says
Thanks, Barbara! And you’re right… the audience is always out there. I’ve also found that the reward of connecting positively with others is more than enough to overcome any initial hesitation I may have in putting myself out there.
Shernette says
Wh0a! This feels like a Man In the Mirror situation. Thanks for this great advice.
Aphro says
Thanks, Shernette! That’s the thing about anxiety… when you look in the mirror, you see not just yourself, but hundreds of thousands of others. We’re not alone.
Dawn says
Last night, I had a reality check. I have been allowing anxiety and doubts to cripple me. Rather than dealing with those issues, I went the avoidance route. My plan is to overcome with a two prong approach- CBT and positive action.
Thank you for your encouraging and informative post.
Aphro says
Yes! Avoidance is a classic symptom (one I know too well). The important thing is to get out of your head and, like you said, take action. Even if you start out with very small steps, as long as you take them consistently, you are well on your way. Dawn, definitely feel free to check in and tell me how it’s going.
William Ballard says
I appreciated this article very much so.
I just want to add one thing that has helped me to get over my fears:
After you write down your fears and worries, one thing I do is pin them to a wall and begin throwing darts at each one.
It sounds like a silly practice but what I’ve found is when you see the silliness in the action of throwing darts to the fears that bind you then begin to see the silliness in the fears themselves, at least for me.
Aphro says
I love it, William! Not only does this help you laugh at your fears, but it adds action to the mix and gets you out of your head. I see a new weekend project ahead of me. 🙂
Sandy says
Thank you! I’ve been hiding by getting work from one of the online anonymous purchasers. I’m scared that my writing is technically perfect but not interesting. I’ll try the CBT and positive action approach.
Aphro says
Sandy, don’t hide! We all (okay, most of us) find ourselves boring. Remember, no one else has your unique viewpoint, experiences, or voice. Share your gift with the world. I know it’s scary, but well worth putting yourself out there. Start with something that’s less intimidating and work from there. Every journey begins with that first small step. And good luck with the CBT!
Williesha Morris says
Awesome – I’m getting back into CBT, so I was really happy to see this applied to writing. I love it. It sounds impossibly difficult, but I love it! Great post.
Aphro says
Thanks, Williesha! Great to hear from you. I’ve found that anxiety runs particularly wild among creative types (writers, bloggers, performers…). CBT is a good option because it focuses on mindset and can be applied to any profession or task.
Simon says
I always follow your posts silently, they are so encouraging and thought provoking.
Thank you so much and be blessed.
Aphro says
Thank you, Simon! You’re words mean a lot to me.
venkatesh i khajjidoni says
Great post Aphrodite.we freelance bloggers face what you says. The biggest problem for freelance blogger is uncertainty in getting gigs. Anyway,thank you
Aphro says
Yes, uncertainty can lead to paralysis. That’s why I find it helpful to pursue gigs through different sources and to take time every day to “do” something–anything–that gets me even one step closer to work. That could be sending out a letter of introduction, reaching out to someone on LinkedIn, outlining a blog post. The more I do actively, the easier it is to silence anxiety and paralysis. Hope that helps, Venkatesh.
Caryn McCleskey says
Thank you for this post. Sometimes when we’re busy, we don’t realize that we’re putting things off due to anxiety. Taking small consistent steps sounds doable to me! Having processes in place for the small steps can help them become more “whatever,” too.
Aphro says
Caryn, I agree that having processes in place helps because it gives you a structure so that you really know when you’ve strayed into avoidance territory. I’ve also found that adding humor to the mix also helps. For example, William’s earlier suggestion of the dart board!
Katherine Swarts says
Have you been looking over my shoulder for the past week and a half–or the past decade and a half? I’ve lost count of the number of times I swore that “I’m going to buckle down and start putting the bulk of my effort into applying to money-making opportunities–tomorrow/next week/at the start of the new year.” I know all the excuses: why bother with only a day or two left in the week when I’ll soon be able to do a full week’s work at a stretch; I need to finish my e-mail/library book/housecleaning first; I have a cold; my schedule is too full this month. (Probably social anxiety’s favorite weapon is to remind us of other, easier things we can do “first”–often actual commitments we should have thought before taking on; I’m afraid that I frequently use networking events as a substitute for, rather than a goad to, self-marketing.)
The good news is that, after dragging my heels for most of the past two weeks and fighting a major battle with the urge to stay in bed two hours after waking, I actually managed to get four new queries off this morning. (Side note: fearing the query isn’t “just right,” especially when addressed to a business rather than to a publisher who’s used to getting them, is another social-anxiety procrastination tactic.) Anyone care to volunteer to help me keep up the momentum this time, by promising to goad me with a “did you do 2-6 a day all week?” note every Friday for a few months?
Aphro says
I hear you, Katherine! Anxiety is so insidious precisely because it is a master of disguise. I did find that when I finally put a name to it, it was easier (used loosely) to deal with. One thing you might try to diminish the pressure of sending out queries is to make it a numbers game. I’m not saying that you don’t put time and personalization into all your queries. I’m saying that by committing to at least 2 a day and focusing on the number rather than placing emotional attachment on any one outcome helps you get through. Because when the rejections come, as they do for everyone, you can just shrug your shoulders and move on because you know you have 12+ other queries, LoIs, etc. in your pipeline at any given moment. And I’d be happy to ping you to see how you’re coming along!
Katherine Swarts says
Seriously, I’d be glad to have you do just that.
Another thought came to me today after rereading one of my favorite BAFB posts, “7 Practical Ways to Pre-Qualify Prospects”: Pre-qualifying is great, and certainly every job prospector needs to at least make sure that his/her expertise and worldview are compatible with the organization’s (not to mention READING any writers’ guidelines a prospect provides); but generally the amount of time spent pre-qualifying should be directly proportional to the amount of regular work the writer already has. Beginners aiming for their first job not only can’t afford to be as picky; they are prime candidates for falling into yet another social-anxiety-procrastination trap and spending hours trying to make sure a company fits ALL the suggested points like a puzzle piece in its slot. For my part, I’ve narrowed the pre-qualifier points to three until my regular-and-long-term client base expands:
1) Does a prospect’s website have an active Careers page?
2) Is the prospect’s annual income at least $500,000?
3) Do they have an active Facebook profile with a large number of “Likes”?
If a prospect gets a “Yes” on two out of three, they also get a short LOI/query note. If not, no matter how interesting their mission or website looks, they go back on the shelf.
Of course, if someone is actively advertising for freelance writers, a more detailed query is in order.
Carolyn says
I must keep this blog post inside my “inspiration beating anxiety” kitto to be used at one’s disposal. Read every line. Felt every fear.
Action with consistency is something I can work on starting with job applications.
I’m curious about CBT. Does reading self-help book already part of CBT. I’m fond of reading memoirs and self-help books which tell real-life trials and success.
Reading along with walking and running do help in putting fear out of the picturesque picture we can all become.
Thanks for the post. Thanks for showing that fear can be overcome.
Corey Pemberton says
Fantastic article, Aphrodite. It’s amazing how confident I can feel in something I’m writing… as long as I know no one’s going to see it! But it’s the thought of putting things out to the world that challenges me.
I’ve found that asking myself “what’s the worst that could happen?” and analyzing the answer rationally has a way of dissipating the anxiety. And nothing trumps repeat exposure; I just started a martial art a few months ago and still feel tightness in my chest before every class… but nowhere near the level it used to be. Thanks again, Corey
Aphro says
Thanks for sharing, Corey! I’m all about the repeat exposure. For me, it’s the best way to overcome most mental obstacles. Lately I’ve also been announcing my intentions publicly so that I’m compelled to do what I need to do. I also started doing difficult things quickly and immediately so that I wouldn’t have time to overthink and avoid. But it took me a long time to work up to that point.
Benjamin R says
“Aren’t you tired of watching other freelance bloggers cash in on plum assignments as you struggle to shore up your spine just to send an email?” – This is exactly me! Thanks for this post. You have shared some wonderful techniques.
Aphro says
Thanks, Benjamin! Glad you found the techniques useful. If you have a tweak or technique of your own that you’ve found particularly effective, I’d love to hear about it.