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7 Winning Ways to End Your Pitch, Query or LOI

7 Winning Ways to End Your Pitch, Query or LOI

Do you know what editors and potential clients do when they reach the end of your email?

You should.

How? Because they should be doing whatever you just told them to do!

The process of winning new clients through direct marketing is simple:

  1. Identify your ideal clients
  2. Get the right contact information
  3. Send them a message to introduce yourself as a freelance blogger
  4. If you’ve got an interesting idea for their blog, give them a brief description or outline at the same time
  5. They send you a message back if they’re interested (and the nicest people get back to you even if they’re not interested)

Do you see the yawning abyss there between Step 4 and Step 5?

That’s where you forgot to make shit happen.

Write Your Happy Ending

It’s not just you.

More than half of the bloggers I mentor say that they don’t know how to close an email when they’re seeking work.

If you don’t know how to close the email, then you don’t know how to close the deal.

Whether you think of your message as a pitch, a query or an LOI (letter of introduction), you need to include a call to action. So *ta-da!* here’s a list of successful ways to wind up your email…

1: “Does that suit your needs and budget?”

This is one of my favourite ways to wrap up a proposal (a service offer that includes pricing information). It’s straightforward, practical, and prompts the prospect to let me know if there’s anything they’d like me to change about the proposal –vital information for me if I want to win the gig.

2: “What do you think? Shall I send you a draft?”

This works well for guest post pitches as it’s low pressure, yet direct and focused on the recipient’s opinion.

3: “Shall I send you a more detailed proposal?”

If you’re emailing a potential client to outline what you can do for them, this is a good way to get a response from anyone who’s curious about your services or your rates.

4: “May I write this post for you?”

Keeping it this simple often works well at the end of a detailed, well-researched query.

5: “Let me know if you’re interested in any of these ideas and I’d be happy to write up a fully-fleshed pitch for you.”

Linda Formichelli suggests this call to action for hybrid query/LOI messages that include only brief descriptions of your ideas.

6: “If that sounds like a good fit for your blog, hit reply and let me know.”

An informal approach like this means you can be even more specific in your call to action, without sounding like a cheesy salesperson. Instead of just asking a question or saying “let me know”, your chatty “hit reply” tells the recipient exactly what you’d like them to do next.

7: “May I send you some clips?”

This is one of Carol Tice’s tips for a winning LOI, because it gives your prospect a question that’s easy to say yes to.

Now, I don’t know if you remember the Underpants Gnomes from South Park… so here’s a distracting video. Don’t worry, it’s only 10 seconds long.

Sound familiar? “Phase 1: Send email. Phase 2: ??? Phase 3: Profit.”

If you don’t know what you want your prospect to do, then they don’t know either. 

Figure out the one thing you’d most like them to do. What will increase your chance of winning this gig?

It can be as simple as getting your prospect’s permission to send them something more, or something more complex like inviting them to Skype with you. That’s your call; research your prospects and try to find out what’s most likely to get a favourable response.

Now you know what you want them to do. So at the end of your email…

Ask them.

Then add your regards, thanks, or whatever signoff you normally use, and your name.

That’s it. Your email’s all wrapped up like bait on a hook a lovely gift with a bow on top. 😉

Hit send.

Featured image: Theresa Thompson

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Comments

  1. Your timing with this is so perfect! I just began Linda Formacelli’s “Writing for Magazines” course today. Nothing like being in the right place at the right time. I will add this to my course info.

    Thanks for the reminder that the ending is the last thing readers see and so it had better be damn good. It is so easy to spend so much time on the lede and the rest of the pitch that the ending becomes an afterthought. Seems so obvious now that you’ve pointed it out:)

    • Yep, that call to action is vital. The stronger it is, the better your chance of getting a reply, so don’t leave the recipient in any doubt about what to do next!

  2. What I like here, Sophie, is the fact that nearly all of your call-to-action suggestions are questions.

    People pretty well feel obliged to answer if you them ask a question.

    And because most of the above are also closed questions, requiring little more than a yes or no, you’re making it a doodle for your prospect to take things further.

    So, too true: Ask them!

    And make it a closed question while you’re at it.

    • Exactly –if all they need to do is say “Yes, go ahead” then you’ve made it easy on them *and* guided them into the specific next step you want.

    • Yes, I too agree that clients often respond to close questions because it saves their time and they don’t bother that much while replying to such closed call to action letters.

      Now, when it comes to pitching a prospective client then I must say Sophie that I love the very 1st call that you have suggested and it really works often – “Does that suit your needs and budget?”

      The best thing about this call is that there is always a scope for negotiation about the rates and negotiation means that chances for winning a project increases manifold provided someone knows how to win negotiations in self favor without losing client.

      In fact I have won lots of good clients through negotiation and all the rate deal was in my favor and I have even wrote some tips too on effective negotiation on my blog.

      But the very important step of triggering these process is knowing the proper way of – how to close your pitch effectively to make the client say YES and Sophie, you really deserve more than thanks for sharing lots of effective ways that will help every freelancer.

      Thanks again

  3. Sophie,

    Great post and great examples of CTAs to close an email with! Bonus points for the South Park reference…that’s one of my all time favorite episodes. I *love* the gnomes “plan”!!!

  4. Sophie, I must say this is a very useful article. While writing pitches, I usually use points 1, 2 and 6 . Most of the times, the person replies in positive tone.

  5. Good post. I’ve used #7 for years and just about every response I get asks to see clips. I like 1 and 6 too. I’m trying to think up a way I can incorporate the 3 of them into the final couple sentences of my email. Hmmm. Gave me something to think about today!

  8. Thank you for this, Sophie. It’s exactly what I needed. I use LOIs a lot in my marketing and the one thing I always struggle with is how to close the email. Now I can go back to my template and tweak it this week. 🙂

    • You’re welcome, Savannah. If you struggle with the closing, that means you’re over-thinking it. Sometimes the best thing to do is
      1) step away from the email so that you’re not fretting over your words anymore
      2) say aloud, “All I want you to do is…” and finish the sentence as quickly and simply as you can. For example, “…agree to read a full draft,” or “…confirm your budget will cover this.”
      3) take the second part of what you just said and put it at the end of your email, tweaking the wording to keep it clear and polite

      • Thanks for that specific “how to write your CTA” response, Sophie!
        I’m a champion over-thinker, and “step back and fill in your own blank” is a great end-around for it! 🙂

  9. Your blog post confirms two universal truths, Sophie:

    1. The simplest solutions are usually the best ones.
    2. The easiest way to get what you want is to ask for it.

    Having said the above, let me say this:

    Even if we do close properly, some editors will go out
    of their way to leave us hanging. Just because they can.

    There will always be rude and unprofessional people in the world
    who choose not to respond no matter what we do. But that’s no
    reason for us to conduct ourselves that way. How we do what we
    do says the most about us as freelance writers. Clear, concise and
    straight-to-the-point calls to action show decision makers that we
    know what we want and how to get it. A great way to prove that
    is by posing a simple question that requires a simple answer.

    So ask and ye shall receive. But if you don’t ask, chances are
    pretty good that editors will give you what you didn’t ask for…

    Stellar job as always, Sophie! 🙂

  11. Being honest about it Sophie, when I sent you my query, I just went ahead and asked you–Do you like this idea?

    Then I attached my simple outline.

    This was my call to action.–“Do you like this idea?”

    Question: May I know why you allowed me to guest post on your blog?

    [Dying to know your answer.:)]

    Thanks.

    • Because I liked your idea, Anthony. 😉

      It was a good, low-pressure call to action: you weren’t asking me to give you anything more than a “yes, that sounds interesting”, and I wanted to see what you’d make of the idea.

      Plus I’d only seen one post before that linked Gangnam Style with freelance writing attitude [that was on Carol Tice’s blog] so it was a relatively unique post rather than a generic “10 reasons to become a freelance writer” type of pitch. Like you said in the post, being different enough to stand out is important!

      • Thanks Sophie! Now the reasons are clear to me. I can go and apply those principles I have used on my query. I’m positive, I’ll have bigger chances of clinching more opportunities to guest post on other big blogs.

        Again, thanks for the awesome break.:)

  12. Sophie:

    Great advice! As someone who has spent many (many) years coaching salespeople, I’ve always said that if you’ve done all the right things throughout the process, the close should be a simple, non-event at the end. A logical next step of the process.

    And as you said above… “Keeping it this simple often works well at the end of a detailed, well-researched query.”

    You’ve given seven straight-forward ways to “just ask” at the end of a pitch. And the South Park clip made me laugh out loud – which is weird because I’m sitting here all alone. 🙂

    Thanks!

    • Thanks! As someone who’s learned by trial and error how to sell my services, it’s good to hear a sales pro supports my thinking.

      P.S. The video is a test, Gary. You passed. 😉

  13. Sophie, your posts always seem so timely. Great stuff here!

    I find when I’m deciding how to end a pitch, I sum up what I was trying to accomplish in writing the pitch in the first place. I simply ask, “Are you interested? Do you want it? Can I send it? Does this sound good to you?” I ask myself, “What do you want to know?” and then I ask. Kind of like the tips in this post. 🙂

    Always great stuff!

  14. Such great examples. I think we sometimes feel like we have to be clever or crafty when a simple, direct question works the best. I follow this practice in the rest of my life, now I just need to use it in my work life…thanks for the reminder.

  15. When I study a good resource on how to send a great query, I pay a lot of attention to how to finish the email, and I have learned some nice tips. But I really like it that you’ve dedicated an entire post to it, because “writer’s block” does tend to creep up right towards the end. Thanks for this one!!! 🙂

    • I know how that goes! It’s one of the most common problems people without sales experience have when they start trying to market freelance services.

  16. I think there are three widely acclaimed approaches for writing last sentence in your marketing email;
    Offering something further
    Prompting to take decision
    Giving an impression that recipient will buy the product (it is quite tricky)

  17. Hello Sophie,
    Thanks so much for this useful post. Often times I believe I have lost many opportunities because I failed to end my blog post or pitch the way I should have ended it.
    One of the major actions i will start implementing in my emails, posts and other communications is to concluded in a way that will compel my audience to take an action.

  18. Thx so much, Sophie! These are wonderful examples, and this is the piece of the LOI or query that I often struggle with the most. My husband is always telling me that I stink at ‘asking for the sale’ — these closers will be great to help me do that eloquently and effectively. Thx!

    • You’re welcome, Lori! Just think of it like you’re serving them tea and cake. 🙂 Find out what they like and then offer it to them without pressure (on you or them).

  19. I try to make my closing not just as a call to action, but also personalized for the magazine/website/business I’m interested in. For example, when I pitched print gaming trade magazines, I ended with “If you’re interested, I can send you some clips as fast as Mario zooms around the track in a cart.”

    I didn’t do the work to see if it was an effective approach, but I’d say that with every 10 LOIs I sent out, I got at least 3 responses telling me “we don’t have room,” “we’ll keep your info,” or “yes, here’s an assignment.”

  20. These are awesome ideas — I never really thought about how to “close” my email to people I’m trying to pitch even though I teach a writing class and always tell them to make sure they do a call to action in their cover letters.

    • It’s always easier to spot other people’s weaknesses than our own, MaryBeth. 😉 That’s what makes your writer friends so invaluable!

  21. These are great points Sophie. You definitely need a call to action at the end of every email. Your pitch is a marketing message and needs to be treated as such! I usually offer my contact information and suggest a Skype conversation or phone call to discuss in more detail.

    • Live communication is always good if you can get it. You often have a better chance of winning the gig if you’ve spoken with the person doing the hiring, instead of just emailing them. Sounds like you’ve got this one nailed!

  22. Thanks so much for this, Sophie. Something so simple and obvious – yet so important. I can see that I’ve not always been super clear with my pitches and I’m sure this advice will help.

    I’m going to check out Danny’s and Carol’s courses as well. Having just made the transition to full-time blogger and musician, I need all the help I can get on productivity! 🙂

    • Thanks, Leanne! Check out LiveHacked and Lifehack for a bunch of productivity tips (for writers, and for life in general). They’re good people.

  23. Good advice, Sophie. I am terrible at calls to action, both in pitches and in posts. I suppose something in me rebels at the idea of telling people what to do. But I agree, it’s so much more effective, and the way people read/skim online, they need something clear and unambiguous. I usually end with something vague like “I look forward to hearing from you”, but I’ll aim to be more direct next time!

  24. These tips are really amazing and it is important for us to have a happy ending instead of losing the readers. Thanks for sharing.

  25. I have been referring back to this post repeatedly. Very helpful.
    P.S. Soon, I will have to track which ending was most helpful in landing assignments

  26. Amazing closings. I have chose a few that I would like to try out. I have been asking for a posting time frame at the end:
    Please let me know if you have time in your posting schedule to publish this article in the next week or two?

    It has been working 🙂

  27. I agree that the ending is as important as the rest of the query.
    In many ways it summarizes the reason for the query; which, in the form of a question, prods a reply from the potential client.

  28. Excellent tips, great post – like all BAFB posts, of course 🙂 I used #6 a while ago in an email and it helped land me an interview for the blogging job the same day (they replied 2 hrs later) 🙂

  29. I find this post really helpful as getting better at queries/LOI’s is one of my main focuses right now, and this makes it so clear. Well done.

    I couldn’t help but get distracted and start laughing at the Southpark scene, though. I’ve been referencing that scene randomly for however many years its been since the episode first aired. Any situation where I have an idea and outcome but no idea how to get there… I recite the 3 phases. Hahaha. 😉

  30. Thank you Sophie,
    I never thought of the ending as a continuation. I would have used, ” thank you for your time.” I realize now that would be an ending in itself. You options keep the conversation going.

    It looks like there hasn’t been a response to these comments in a while. I want to respond to them anyway. I need to get in the habit of writing and actually hitting post.

    Good luck to us all,
    Sandi

  32. I wonder why such simple things are made so complicated. Is it needed? Pitching has become a model, robot-like. Pitching turned out to be some kind of trick; editors know it and like it. Otherwise, they would not feel so important. All these examples are nothing but puffing editors’ egos.
    And the readers they claim to care so much about are their last concern.