You did it! Congratulations!
You’ve finished an amazing new blog pitch or proposal. You cross your “T’s” and dot your “I’s.” Everything is ready. You click Send, and sit back waiting for the accolades to come showering down.
[Ding!] There’s your email alert — “Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you…”
BOOTY-PANTS! (That’s cursing to my toddler.)
Rejection is an unfortunate part of life. Whether we’re talking about blogging, business, or Lisa who rejected me our senior year of high school, everyone faces rejection.
What to do next?
A) Down a gallon of root beer, dress in your “lounging pants,” and listen to Adele, or
B) Accept the challenge, clean your wounds, and start the next project?
I’m all for option B. You should be too.
All around us are stories of successful people who were rejected time and again until they found their big break.
Here are 3 techniques you can use to turn rejection into motivation:
1: Make it a challenge
It ain’t over until it’s over.
~Yogi Berra, of the New York Yankees baseball team
Sports history is filled with great comeback stories.
As time runs out, the losing team rallies and charges ahead to win.
Movies are made from such stories.
For bloggers, it’s important to look at our work as a game — a game without points, referees, uniforms, coaches, scoreboards, jerseys, but a game nonetheless. In the work game, we can redefine rejection as what it should be: a challenge.
Challenges, by definition, are stimulating. When you’re stimulated, you pursue your goals. You find energy. You find joy. Champagne and teddy bears fall from the sky. (Okay… maybe not that last one, but you get the point.).
To quote Yogi Berra again:
I learned a long time ago that losing is a learning experience. It teaches you humility. It teaches you to work harder. It’s also a powerful motivator… Accept the losses and learn from them.
Stephen King wrote in his book, On Writing, he would stick every rejection letter he received on a nail in his office. When the nail was full, he swapped it out for a spike.
Steven Spielberg was rejected from Film School three times. He successfully gained admittance on his fourth attempt, only to drop out to further his career.
The challenge of rejection is to see an opportunity for growth. Ask yourself “How can I do better?” while reviewing your work. Be honest with yourself; don’t be too soft or too hard.
If you like, you can create your own challenge board with your rejection letters. Wallpaper your office with them. Caution: If you do this, make sure you view the letters as a sign of your dedication to blogging and to your improvement.
2: Don’t take it personally
It’s not that easy bein’ Green
~Kermit the Frog, of The Muppets
You labor over a pitch. Your fingers hurt from pounding the keys. Carpal tunnel syndrome forces your hands into knots. And then, after all that effort, you’re rejected.
Or are you?
Rejections are not personal. You are still the wonderful person you always were. It’s the pitch that gets rejected, not the writer.
Yes, it still feels like when your kid is passed over by the birthday clown at your neighbor’s son’s 4th birthday party. (Stupid Sparkles.) That’s okay. There should be a little sting to a rejection. That’s human nature. But it should not lessen your self-worth. Not even the tenth or the hundredth rejection should make you feel poor.
Hopefully, none of us bloggers will ever get a rejection letter like this one sent to George Orwell for his famous book, Animal Farm. The four-line report listed Orwell’s work as stupid, pointless, boring, obvious, and damn dull. Horrible as it was, nothing in the report criticised Orwell himself. (Guess who laughed last.)
I lived in New York City for a few years to pursue acting. I went on many auditions for plays and films. Some I won. Some I didn’t. I learned most directors cast roles based on an image they created in their minds. Even the best actors get rejected because they don’t look or sound like the character the director imagined.
Blogs aim to to provide the best content for their readers – not the best pitch or post, but the best match for the blog. Since they cannot accept all posts, they search for the ones that meet their needs.
You’re still a good blogger even if a pitch gets rejected. Just look into a mirror and tell yourself, “You’re a brilliant blogging princess.” (Or prince. Whatever works for you. At least it’ll make you smile.)
3: Actively find out why
But because I knew you…
~Elphaba/Glenda, in the musical Wicked
Receiving a rejection letter is typically a passive experience. (I’m not counting the wailing, the screaming, and the throwing of office equipment.)
But you don’t have to passively accept rejection and withdraw from the opportunity.
A couple of years ago, I interviewed for a promotion. A few days later, I received a rejection email. I slammed my head into the desk a couple of times, and then… I replied. I asked for time to meet with the interviewer to discuss why I was not selected. The interviewer was thrilled and set aside an hour for us to talk about my interview and career.
When you receive a rejection letter, send a reply. Ask politely for constructive criticism about your pitch or proposal. As children’s author, Ellen Jackson, says about rejection on her website, “If someone gives you specific criticism, regard it as a gift. I always thank the person who gives me criticism.”
Pitches are rejected for many reasons: wrong quality, wrong topic, too funny, too serious, or too similar to another post published recently. You may learn the pitch was not technical enough, or too short. Armed with this information, you can improve your pitches so you land the job next time.
Don’t expect everyone to reply to your request for constructive criticism. So cherish the replies you get, because those people truly want you to succeed.
As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.
~Carol Leifer, author of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying
(Amazon aff link)
Remember, rejections are a non-personal challenge for you to get active and keep trying. The blogging world needs writers like you — writers who will bring their own voice, own knowledge, own experience to their work.
The next rejection letter you receive, say “Thank you!” out loud because the universe is giving you another chance. Unlike you, Lisa; you blew it.
Inspirational!
Thanks.
Great article! Love all your points. I really love your voice here, too. 🙂
Thanks, Alicia. I appreciate the compliment.
I was thinking the same thing – I was halfway through the post, and I thought to myself “I love this guy’s voice! What a well-written post!” Great job, Brett 🙂
Laura,
Thank you for the compliment. [Blush] I enjoyed writing it, which helped.
Never giving up and learning from rejection paid off pretty well for me!
After getting two pitches rejected for a major American personal finance website, the editor will consider it for the next editorial meeting.
The welcomed, but unknown bonus here is that after the editor reviewed my website, he offered an another article if I could secure permission to use pictures for an article they wanted to write, but didn’t have the time to secure pictures. After a quick chat and follow-up e-mail, he assigned me the article at $0.50 per word — the article only requires a short 20 minute interview, along with moderate research. Based on my projections I’ll be making $80 – $100 per hour!
Happy pitching!
Sweet, Thomas. Congrats on the win. I hope all of us will soon have stories to share half as good as your’s.
I have a science PhD and have published dozens of articles, I still get rejected but make efforts to move past it and try to maintain an active and growing network in several fields. Always great to read words of encouragement from you/others, so few people are willing to even give that, so when I see it, I appreciate it.
You’re welcome, Stu.
And thanks for sharing your story. Even when we become “successful”, we can still face rejection. Better to learn early on not to fear rejection, but to “embrace” it.
This was a much-needed pick-me-up, so thanks for posting. I’m thinking of making my rejections into a collage and lining the litter box with them. 😀
You’re welcome, Lindsey. I congratulate you on your choice for recycling your rejections. I am sure your cat(s) will enjoy the fresh litter. 😉
This is a great article!! Thanx for helping us see rejection in a new light. Great ideas for the letters too! I’ll line my bird cage with them. Hopefully there won’t be too many 😉
You’re welcome, Iva.
I hope your birds enjoy their new liners.
Great advice Sophie, and I do find editors, for the most part are willing to have this exchange.
You’re the best.
Thanks
Lori
Exactly, Lori. Editors need content to continue to do their jobs. The good ones realize that better writers bring in more money, and the first draft of a blog post can turn into something profound.
A year or more ago, I read a blog post by an artist that rejection was really just a deferment. It doesn’t mean no, she said, it just means no for now. I just now googled to find that post and it’s by Maria Brophy (The Illusion of Rejection). Your point number 2 about not taking rejection personally is similar. It is a fact of life for writers and other creative so we need to find as many ways as possible to deal with it!
Caryn, Thanks for introducing us to the post by Maria Brophy. She brings up a great point, “The best of the best of the best in this world get denied.”
As Bloggers, we are all going to be rejection even if it is only at first. The trick is to have the courage to continue working and growing. As we grow, we can find those rejections decrease.
Brett
What an amazing post! I AM the best blogging princess! You definitely need a thick skin in this business.
I recently got some negative response to something I wrote, but I turned that negative into a positive and it’s only made me a better writer!
Wonderful news, Elna. Congratulations.
Awesome!
I could stop there, but that would be like I’m spamming your blog. So, let me say why I say, “Awesome!”
Far too many of us go through life without asking “Why?”
I’ve always believed that asking “why” and getting a helpful answer helps me grow. I’m glad you shared this. Thank you very much.
Good point, Lee. Learning the answers to “why?” will help you grow. “Why?” is a very powerful question.
Keep asking “why?” Unless you are my kids. Then please limit “why?” to less than 500 a day.
I love how you reframe rejection as “information.” That’s perfect. It’s simply input for us to use on our journeys as bloggers/writers/human beings. It’s how we react to that “information” that makes the difference! Thanks for a great refresher course on how to make rejection work for, not against, us.
You’re welcome.
To quote Eleanor Roosevelt – “Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.”
You are right, Marianne. You cannot help whether you get rejected. You can only choose what to do next.
I love Eleanor Roosevelt. 🙂
🙂
Very inspirational. As new to blogging and freelance writing I always have worries about rejections. I’m a challenger but get frustrated easily. That is why I keep on reading and learning new approach. Great I’ve landed on this site, really helpful!
Thank you, Shyne.
It’s tough being new to freelance blogging…it’s tough being new to any occupation. For me, the key is (to quote Tim Allen from Galaxy Quest) “Never give up. Never surrender.” Oh, and finding supportive groups like this one.
Great post! You tackled a “sensitive” topic in a very fun, natural way. Congratulations!
It takes courage to have this kind of mindset, though. But it is essential. Otherwise, rejection can truly break a freelancer.
Thanks for writing this. I’m sharing it to my followers who’d definitely need this 🙂
Hunbbel,
You are very welcome. It does take courage to do what we do – blogging, writing, being creative. Working freelance means you have to accept you must face the possibility of rejection. Who in the world would do this to themselves? Answer – we do every day.
However, you don’t have to face rejection alone. Nor, does rejection have to shut down your dreams.
Excellent post Brett!
I really like the point about not taking it personally. What you said really is true, it is not the writer that has been rejected but the pitch, so simply refine (or in the words of most politicians – reform) the pitch (or dust yourself off and try again).
Life is to short to take everything seriously and personally. If we took everything so personally and to heart we would never accomplish the goals that we all have.
Thank you, William.
While studying Negotiations, I learned the important point of separating “people” from the “issue”. Like Negotiations, people often feel attacked. They shut-down and/or turn defensive. When this happens, the process breaks and nothing happens.
By realizing a Blog or Business knows nothing about you except for your proposal, you become objective and can focus on the bigger picture. “What about the proposal did not work for them?”
By the way, I agree “Life is too short.” Dream.
Great post Brett!
Personally, I think the biggest difference between those who are successful and those who are not is that those who are successful KEEP TRYING. Let every failure motivate you to do better!
You’re welcome, Daryl.
Controversy aside – Thomas Edison had a great quote when he said, “Results? Why, man, I have gotten lots of results! If I find 10,000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed…”
In this fast-paced, 24/7 world, we all “fail” to give ourselves chances to make mistakes. Mistakes are a great way to learn. Mistakes can also be corrected…Rejections can also be corrected. Maybe not to the same Blog, but an edit here or there and you might have a masterpiece useful to another business.
To quote you, Daryl, “KEEP TRYING.”
I seriously contemplated putting that quote in above actually.
It’s not about how many shots you miss, it’s about how many shots you make.
Exactly.
Can I down a gallon of rootbeer AND start the next project while wearing my lounging pants? In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have to choose.
Absolutely, Nicole. You make your perfect world.
Nice post, Sir Brett!
It takes a lot of courage to move past rejection and more so to learn from it and try again. After having to go through several rejections in in freelancing and other aspects of real life, I can’t say it didn’t hurt but I can say I learned from them (still am). All of us keep hearing that failing something no matter how big time it appears isn’t the end of the world, but it really helps when someone talks about it the way you just did. Cheers! 🙂
Thank you very much, Yen.
I appreciate the compliment. It’s tough being rejected. (Watch out of the old 80’s reference.) Maybe not “Mr. T” tough, but there is always a sting. What always help me is the question – “Do I love what I am doing?” That is the sugar which “helps the medicine go down.” And by “medicine,” I mean “rejection.” And by “rejection,” I mean “the real reason you are rejected and not the ones you imagine in your mind.” And, by “not the ones you imagine in your mind,” I mean “not the ones you imagine in your mind.”
Anyways, wishing everyone plenty of courage.
That was a great motivating (and funny!) post, Brett. Thanks for writing it up. I’ve always been a fan of the phrase, “you win or you learn.” And I still remember reading Stephen King’s passage from On Writing about nailing those rejection slips to a spike. Good stuff, and I think it’s just the “price of admission” if you want to experience any significant success. Thanks again, -Corey
You’re welcome, Corey.
I agree rejection is the “price of admission.” As a society, we tend to forget the struggles any successful person suffered. We picture the moment of fame as happening in an instant, and not a process.
To throw another quote out there – “Life is a journey, not a destination.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Thanks Brett! Us writers usually need the reminder!
Happy to help, Aaron.
I loved your post too–and your voice–so great.
My quandry is when it’s crickets after a request for a proposal. I’ve had that happen, and I’ll follow up once–then move on. Any thoughts from your experience?
*Can we still opt for “lounging pants” and chugging a root beer while pro-actively tapping away at the “Why Not Me!”-er, “If you have a moment, I’d appreciate any feedback you might offer as to why this piece wasn’t accepted,” follow-up? (Thanks 🙂
Tj,
Thank you. Your situation is one mentioned too often on blog posts and comments. It’s a sad fact, some consider “silence” as an acceptable means of rejection. “If you don’t hear from us, then we took a past on your proposal.”
There are various reasons, someone might choose silence as a rejection tool. They dislike conflict. They’re lazy. They have too much on their plate. Some of the best blogs are incredibly busy. So busy, they often take weeks to reply. While you are waiting, absolutely opt for “lounging pants” and chugging a root beer as long as you are acting in “acceptance” and not “defeat.”
Something further to think about, some people (sad to say) are really, really, really bad at critiques. I mean really, really, really, reeeeaaaaalllllllyyyyy bad at it. So they could be doing you a favor in not responding to your “Why Not Me!” email.
Beginning of your article describes my daily feelings couple of years ago!) The first couple of months I am very sensitive to the failure, sometimes even crying (my shame). Years passed before I gained confidence and began to perceive failure as an opportunity. I like your voice, catches from the first row.
Jilly,
I’m glad you were able to get through those first months and years. It speaks a lot about your resilience and your gained confidence. For newbies, it’s nice to see others have found the “light at the end of the tunnel.”
Thanks for the compliment.